You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
