He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
