I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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