I swear she didn't look like that last week.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
