new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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