I feel great
I just peed on a car
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
pray to the hookup gods
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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