im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize