Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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