you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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