we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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