We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
