I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
