I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize