just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
