i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
