I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
