I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
