that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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