well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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