So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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