At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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