I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
