He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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