I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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