my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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