Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
