...so i touched it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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