This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
