Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize