Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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