Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
