How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
