She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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