now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
