About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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