It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
