I must be too annoying 4 u.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize