We're facebook friends in real life
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
