Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
