I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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