i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
porn star boner night. come get it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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