First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize