hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
