I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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