forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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