Don't make out with my wife yet
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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