And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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