Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
