I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
