420 ftw
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
