If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My vagina just recognized that song.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize