something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
