I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
