fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize