I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
