so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
