I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i believe in u and ur pee
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
