hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize