Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
