my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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