Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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