we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
