hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
