awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
