I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
