dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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