Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
