I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i now understand why vodka
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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