My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
