Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
