The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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